The Smug Joy of A Round Robin

Every year, my parents receive several Round Robins popped inside Christmas cards. Some are informative, fairly unbiased news about the family with little to no bragging, an easy way to catch up friends you rarely see/talk to with your news. Some, however, the majority in fact, are not quite so reserved in their retelling of the events of the year and their family's news. These I love to read. But not for the reasons the writer intended.

After reading the worst/most amusing Round Robin my parents' received this year from some old friends from decades ago they never see and I've never met (and to be quite honest, reading the Round Robin, I'm glad of that fact), I decided to pen something of the same vein to share the horror many families are inflicted with in the Christmas cards they get each year. It is, if not the Ultimate then, a Supreme Middle Class Problem.





Dear Friends and Family,

Well, it’s been a big year for the Smythe family! But every year is.

For myself and Tom, my sedate and ever-patient husband who willingly took part in our family photo (complete with a chorus line pose, aren’t we fun?) at the bottom of this letter without complaint, 2013 has been particularly enjoyable on many counts.

 Firstly because we have used the copious amounts of money Tom earns from his boring old job as director of a large boring firm that I pretend to care about to go on lots of lovely holidays! We’ve gone to Greece, Madagascar, New York, and France. In that order. There are many things I love about going on holiday, the chance to learn about a new culture, being able to try new cuisine, lots of time for shopping and the opportunity to show off to many long-suffering friends.

Greece was fantastic. It was a trip organised by my good self and while I was hoping to go somewhere hot and so booked the trip with that intention, we still found the Winter charms of Greece lovely. Having packed lots of shorts and t-shirts in anticipation of hot weather, our first port of call was the shops. Would you believe it, they have a GAP there? Trip high-light (other than GAP) was a visit to Mount Peilon and the village where cinematic sensation and my all-time favourite film, Mamma Mia!, was shot. We made use of our pilgrimage there for some film-tribute photo opportunities (see aside photo that makes you shudder at our lack of taste and wonder why we’re friends).

We had a big family holiday to Madagascar in July and Atticus, Bramble, Constantin and Dulcie were persuaded to come with us (as long as we footed the bill!) and enjoy the sunshine, five-star accommodation, beautiful beaches and delicious food that Tom’s money bought. Atticus brought along his girlfriend, Cressida, who unfortunately caught food-poisoning when we were there. But she did insist on going to visit a local village and eating from a low-end inn to ‘truly experience the local culture’. These young ones and their crazy ideas! She even attempted to find some volunteer work while we were there. Alas, being sick kept her confined to her room for several days. Atticus was very put out that he couldn’t spend time with Cressida but did manage to find some companionship and comfort from some other young hotels guests (meaning he was able to avoid hearing her be sick every half hour).

Tom and I finished the summer with a trip to New York. We took Dulcie with us to reward all her hard-work and perfect GCSE results (all A*s in case you didn’t get the three emails I sent out to your inbox in August). We had lots of fun, did lots of shopping and got to stay at the best hotel in New York according to The Telegraph’s travel section.

With Christmas coming up, Tom and I then spent a weekend in Paris shopping, eating and drinking, it was great. We also used the opportunity to celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

Many of you will also remember we celebrated our anniversary with a party at the end of October. We were so pleased to see all of you and hear all of the speeches about what an inspiring couple we are. It has been an interesting twenty-five years and we are so blessed to have made it this far. As our couples helper says, ‘it is always important to appreciate what you have and are’. The speeches from our four children were particularly touching and the original poetry written by Bramble was very moving. She really is a wonderful girl and so clever to find so many words to rhyme with love.

The rest of this year has been standardly brilliant for myself and Tom. He received another bonus at work and has finally consented to have surgery to correct his snoring in January 2014. It will be nice to have a peaceful night’s sleep for the first time in ten years! It just goes to show nagging does work! He also lost a huge amount of weight in the first six months of the year. It has been wonderful to see his energy increase but there have been consequences and I’ve found myself running round the house most evenings a week to escape his attentions. There have been benefits and my own waistline has shrunk (not that it needed it to begin with but I always appreciate a bit of trimming!).

My cupcake business has been booming! It went from three event contracts in 2012 to six in 2013 and I am beginning to feel like Karen on The Apprentice. To complete this, I have begun restyling my wardrobe on hers. I threw out a couple of my old most-unfashionable dresses but the rest remain in a trunk in the attic. If any of you want some old clothes, do feel free to come over and ask to look through the trunk. What’s mine is yours etc!

Atticus has had a brilliant year. Having graduated in 2012, he found himself swept up in the trend of the 2010s and he had a little wait before finding a job. That’s our Atticus, ever fashionable! In April, he was offered a job at Tom’s firm and he is doing well there. It is truly a good fit for him and he has worked tirelessly since he was a boy to deserve it.  The week after he started work, he moved into his new flat. He and his girlfriend, Cressida, are very happy and she is a lovely girl though a bit headstrong! She works for a NGO charity and spends a week each month in Bangladesh. Atticus does miss her when she’s away but he manages to keep himself occupied with other friends. While they do sometimes seem rather opposite, we are very happy for them.

Bramble is happy and well and continuing to be her wonderful unique self. Having bucked the trend of going to Uni a couple of three years ago, she began the year expressing an interest in photography and took several courses to help build her skills. She is very talented, she must get it from her father as I’m not skilled in that area (but Tom is, he is skilled at everything, such a wonderful husband!). Bramble then went on to do some AmDram with our local group, the Suffolk Players. She gave a sterling performance as Maid Three in an epic adaptation of the Complete Works of Jane Austen by the groups’ director and held our attention every time she appeared during the six-hour performance. She finished the year exploring the written word and nature, her main theme, and spent a week away from her home (the family fort where she still lives to our great joy) living in Sherwood Forest to get to know her subject. I was a little worried about her but when the police rang to say they’d arrested her for pitching her tent in an area campers aren’t allowed, I was reminded of her resilience when they mentioned she’d kicked the arresting officer in the crotch. Bramble always will be a free spirit!

Constantin is as jolly as ever. Having spent his first year at University trying out different courses and settling on English at the end of the Spring Term, he was lucky for find his new professors very helpful and considerate. They gave him much advice and in October they suggested that perhaps Constantin was too advanced for a University degree and needn’t finish the course so to our brilliant luck he is now living at home! He has, similarly to his sister, begun an interest in poetry and romantic poets, particularly Lord Byron whose work he finds inspiring. In order to produce work of a similar standard, he has recently been experimenting styling his life like his hero! I think it’s rather sweet and tease him about it, when I get to see him, he’s so busy!! Constantin remains as popular as ever and while there is no girlfriend yet, I’ve met several girls I think he’s pursuing!

The baby of the family, Dulcie, spent much of 2013 working hard for her GCSEs. Her hard-work was paid off with all A*s!!!!! She really is a treasure. She persuaded us to take her to New York and we all had a wonderful time. Over the summer, as well as getting brilliant results, she found herself a boyfriend. Craig is an interesting boy with a very interesting perspective on life. Four years older than her, I think he is a good influence as he is able to help her grow into adulthood. Now in Sixth Form, Dulcie has begun her A Level years with a new attitude to work and seems more relaxed. In part, I think that is also to her new vitamin supplements her doctor and life advisors recommended and after several months of adjusting to some small side effects, she seems very well.

We have all loved 2013 and enjoyed having you all over so much. As ever, our indoor pool is open to all of you (just ring and ask if you want a swim and we’ll email you a booking form) and the sauna too! We’ll be opening our outdoor pool in April with our annual pool bash but I’ll be in touch with more details closer to the time.

Hopefully 2014 will be an equally excellent year for the Smythe family!

Love and kisses etc etc